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Twilight

Hey, so I am meant to be going to graduation soon (yay! I am graduating. Also a bit of oh my god, what am I going to do now) but I thought that I might have a little bit of a rant. On Twilight. 

I know. It has been done a billion times before. But if I am going to say anything good about Twilight, it is that it has brought together a mass of angry, deeply sarcastic people.

I was never going to write this till I heard  people comparing her to Elizabeth Bennet. It was about then that I decided the world was screwed. Let's look at it objectively, shall we? Elizabeth Bennet. Beautiful (but not as beautiful as Jane). Intelligent and able to hold a conversation (that doesn't revolve around the fact that "homg, when I see you I can't breathe, Eddie"). She refuses to marry two men. Why? Because she has morals, she is headstrong and she knows what she wants. Sure, she changes her mind eventually, but she still refuses him despite the money and security he would give her. She has a real flaw too. Prejudice.

Now, let's look at Twilight.

Bella. Bella "doesn't know that she is beautiful" *Yawn* It has been done so many times before. She is intelligent, previously done all of the stuff they are doing for class. Snaps for her. Seriously. 

Her conversation. Hmm. Well, let's change the topic shall we? Bella also refuses to date a couple of guys (it is five isn't it? I stopped counting after a while). She refuses to marry Edward.  When my friend first told me that, I thought "good on her." Leave your options open, whatever. But no, she wants to become a vampire and live with him forever, and ever and ever. But not marry him. Because, although she is willing to give up everything else in the world (her family, her humanity, her life etc) she is not willing to walk down an aisle with an ugly white dress and let someone wedge a ring on her finger. Even I, with my warped views of marriage, think that is slightly ridiculous.

Bella's flaw? Clumsiness. Let me explain. A crappy mary sue flaw, designed to make her even more of a damsel in distress.

Bella has no ambitions, other than Edward, and she is nothing without him. She is a crap role model for anyone, where as Elizabeth, when I first read the book at 11, was my idol. 



But okay, let's do a bit of a scenario shall we? Your best friend ever, love them to bits etc, comes over one day. Says that they have fallen head over heels in love. You squeel for a bit (god knows why, but you do). Anyway, they finally tell you everything about him.

"He is gorgeous." is probably repeated a couple too many times. Then the other stuff comes out. He watches your best friend sleep (and has done so from before they had even had a conversation). When the best friend wants to go and see one of her male friends, he DISMANTLES HER CAR so that she can't go. She loses touch with all of her friends, because he is the only one in her world. When he leaves her, she jumps off a cliff and takes to suicidal motorbike riding. Then you go hang out with them for a bit, good on you. I personally wouldn't but whatever, you were probably bribed by chocolate.  He patronises her in every conversation, and she drools whenever he is near. Your, supposedly intelligent, friend has became nothing more than an audience for him and has lost any purpose her life had previously.

So what is your reaction? Honestly? Is it, "OMG, SO ROMANTIC!!! LOLZ I WANT MY OWN SPARKLY VAMPIRE WHO HAPPENS TO WANT TO EAT ME!! YAY!!"

Or is it to calmly take your friend by the shoulders, shake her until her brain rattles and get her to leave the abusive relationship?? Even if it means kidnapping, bribes or paper cut outs of a naked Edward.

But, aside from the romance (and, believe me, it hurts to type that), the rest of it is just as bad. When I got to the part about him "sparkling," I was asked to leave the library, I was laughing so hard.

But, you know what? I am not going to put any more shit over Bella. Because there is a reason she is such a nothing, and a reason why the only discription of Edward is "perfect. Gorgeous.Adonis."

Because that way, young impressionable readers (or even older ones) can read it and put their own personalities, flaws etc into Bella, and their own concept of a gorgeous, perfect guy into Edward. It is a chose your own adventure, where the result is that people, feeling unloved, lonely, as if they will never get the perfect boyfriend etc, can engage in what can only be called crappy female love porn.

In Pride and Prejudice, the romance between Mr Darcy and Elizabeth, doesn't work for the majority of the book. He is an arrogant, egotistical prat while she refuses to think of him as anything more than horrible, prideful and the last man on earth she would marry. And yet, when they finally get together (can I quickly say, that was another thing that freaked me out about Twilight. After like a week she is saying that she loves him, can't live without him and wants to become a vampire to live with him forever. A WEEK!!). Anyway, when Mr Darcy and Elizabeth finally get together, it is based on shared respect.

When Bella and Edward get together, it is based on the fact her blood smells nice (I feel ridiculous saying that) and thinnly disguised sexual lust on Bella's side. That, is why Edward is so reluctant to sleep with her. Because, seriously, once that is done, why hang around? There is no equality in the relationship whatsoever.

I feel dirty reading it.

What Bella needs is a good dose of self respect, Vampires Anonymous meetings for a while and a good friend, to either a) bash Edward, or b) slap Bella.

What Edward needs is character. Jesus Christ, even excepting all the other weird stuff he does, what the hell is with the repeating high school and never having had sex? As someone, who does go to school, here is a suggestion. NO ONE WOULD REPEAT FOR THAT LONG IF THEY HAD ANY CHOICE IN IT. IT IS LIKE DIPPING YOUR HAND INTO BOILING OIL. YOU DO IT ONCE. THEN YOU TRY AND AVOID IT.

As for the sex, I am not suggesting promiscuity is the way to go, but the guy has been 17 for a 100 years now. I have plenty of 17 year old guy friends. Sex is pretty much up there on the things to do list. The idea of someone being 17 for 100 years (with the hormones of a 17 year old) and not having sex?? That kinda scares me.


Anyway, end rant. Wish me luck for graduating.

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